I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
