Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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