Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
