Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
