he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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