Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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