Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
