Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
