This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
