I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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