There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
