He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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