we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
