Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
