My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
