just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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