Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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