I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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