Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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