what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize