it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
