one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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