I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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