You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
