so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
