cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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