Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
