What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
