i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
