Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
