You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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