fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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