the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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