I think I just saw someone hide a body.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
