Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize