you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
