I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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