If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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