Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
