I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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