I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
