I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize