I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
