I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
