Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
