Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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