to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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