i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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