He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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