..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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