dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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