Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
