im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We don't watch enough power rangers
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
