You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
