Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
