mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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