But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
