One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
