Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
