I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
